Boy Talk by X-BittersweetEscape-X
by MeetTheMateContest
Summary: "I'm gonna climb him like a tree and play with his hair." Entry for the Meet The Mate Contest.


**Title:** Boy Talk

 **Summary:** "I'm gonna climb him like a tree and play with his hair." Entry for the Meet The Mate Contest.

 **Pairing:** Bella/Edward

 **Rating:** M

 **Word count:** 1,239

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"His name is Edward."

"Edward?"

"Yep. He just moved out here. His dad is a lawyer and he's taking over at Newton's old firm."

"Edward? Seriously?"

"He's nineteen, plays guitar, has a younger sister-"

"I mean, what kind of name is Edward? Have we reverted back a century?"

"Oh my god, will you stop focusing on the name?"

"Dude." I lift my sunglasses from my eyes, aiming them at my best friends tits. "You're flashing the whole beach."

Rosalie, being ever the optimist, shrugs her shoulders and gives a little shake for good measure before plopping back down on her stomach, arms folded beneath her head.

"Rosie, go out with me?" Emmett McCarty shouts in the distance, his friends forgotten and the volley ball frozen in his hand as he gapes at my ultimate bestie.

"Not a chance, loser," she calls back as I laugh.

She'll give in to him eventually. She's been crushing on him for months.

"So, as I was saying." She huffs, flipping her sunglasses atop her head to look at me. "This guy is hot. Like, brutally hot."

"Okay...so is he your next conquest?" I ask, confused.

"Nope. He's yours." She grins at me.

Now it's my turn to sit up.

"Excuse me?" I scoff. "I don't think so."

"What? Why not?" She pouts that Rosalie Hale killer pout that gets her everything her pink little heart desires.

Nice try. I'm immune.

"For starters, I'm sixteen."

"Almost seventeen."

I wave her off. "Not the point. You know what my mom's like. She'd freak the hell out if I brought home a nineteen-year-old guy. Hell, she'd freak out if I brought home any guy."

My mother. I love her, I really do. But she's fucking crazy.

You know those woman you see standing in a pack outside the superstore who are all, "I made a tofu meatloaf the other night in place of a butchered animal" and "Well, when he left me I vowed I'd never let the same thing happen to my daughter. So I've told her, no dating until she's thirty-five."

Yeah, that's my mom.

Rosalie has to sneak me sugar on a daily basis because Renee thinks that candy is the devil's food and will make you fat from just one bite.

Honestly.

I tell her I'm hooking up with a nineteen-year-old? She'd lock me the fuck up, chains and all.

"Screw her. Just don't tell her." Rose gives me a look, like duh.

"Pfffftt. Like that's going to work. Secondly, who said I even want a boyfriend?" I ask.

"God, here we go," she mutters, rolling her eyes.

"I am perfectly happy being single, thank you very much," I huff. "I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't need a man. I'm young, free and living it up. I'm-"

"Okay, Taylor Swift," Rosalie butts in, holding up a hand. "Cool it. I wasn't talking about dating the guy."

"I don't do one night stands." I fold my arms behind my head, lying back on my fluffy beach towel.

"I'm not talking about one night stands, either. I'm just saying that Edward would be the perfect guy for you to hook up with now and again."

"Like a friends with benefits sort of thing?" I ask.

"Exactly." She points at me with a big grin. "With lots of benefits."

"Don't you have to be friends first? I mean, it's friends with benefits, not strangers with benefits," I point out to her.

"Whatever," she mutters, waving me off. "The point is, this is the perfect thing for you. No boyfriend to bring home to psycho mommy, and you get a regular groping. It's a win win situation."

"I don't need a regular groping." I so need a regular groping.

"Say it with me, Bells. Orgasm." She strings out the word, all breathy like she's actually having one.

Emmett stares in our direction again, his jaw hanging slack. "I can give you one of those, Rosie!"

"Bite me, steroids!" she yells back before turning to me.

"I can do that myself, you know," I comment.

"What, steroids?" She gapes at me.

"No, Jesus," I laugh. "Orgasm. Pretty capable."

"As am I," she smirks. "But it's always better to when someone else takes the wheel."

"Whatever. Anyway, what if I don't like him? Like, what if I don't think he's attractive?"

Another fair point. Rosalie's tastes and mine are completely different. She tends to go for big guys. Muscular to the extreme, tall, dark hair. I go for for things like a killer smile, nice eyes, sense of humour.

Safe to say my last relationship lasted two weeks and twenty-six seconds. Two weeks of fore play and twenty-six seconds of virginity loss with Tyler Crowley.

It was not my finest moment. Or his, I guess.

"What part of brutally hot do you not understand?" She leans toward me, hands cupped over her mouth and wide eyes as she tells me loudly, "Bru-tah-lee-hawt."

"Yeah, I get it." I palm her face, pushing her away. "He might not like me, you know. He may prefer blondes."

"Nope. I'm pretty sure he likes brunettes, babe." She smiles.

"Another thing you've interrogated him on?" I chuckle.

"Nah, just basing it on the look he's giving you right now."

"WHAT?"

"Dude, take it easy!" she whisper yells, reaching over to adjust my bikini top. "Stick your chest out, fix your hair and for god sake act aloof."

"Right. Yep. Can do." I stutter out, wrapping my hair up into a bun.

I slip my sunglasses back on and puff my chest out before turning...then I gape like a fish.

Brutally hot does not so this guy justice.

Lean muscular body in a pair of low fitting, black cargo shorts. Hair that you just want to run your fingers through. He's a boy, but a man, as so damn gorgeous.

"See?" Rose whispers.

"I'm gonna climb him like a tree and play with his hair," Is what comes out of my mouth.

"Huh?" She sounds rightfully horrified, but there's no time to respond as Hottie McDamn has just plopped down beside me.

"Hey Edward, this is Bella. She's-AAAAARGHHH!"

Rosalie doesn't get to finish as Emmett scoops her up and throws her over his shoulder.

"Be back later!" he yells back as he runs down the beach, Rosalie howling with laughter as they go.

I turn towards Edward and clear my throat awkwardly. "So...hey."

He gives me a nod. "How's it going?"

Three words. He's said three words and I'm dumbstruck.

All I can think of as I stare into his bright green eyes it that Rosalie was right.

Screw my mom.

~Three Months Later~

Deep breath. In. Out.

"Mom? I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Edward. Edward, this is my mother, Renee."

"Hi, how's it going?" He smiles, holding out a hand.

She stares at it. Then me. Then his other hand, which is clasped in Edwards. Then she faints.

"Holy shit!" Edward exclaims, holding out his hands as if he's going to catch her but he's way too late.

I sigh. "Told you."

He grabs a pillow from the couch, placing it beneath her head. "Should we move her?"

"Nah, she'll only be out for a few minutes." I grab his hand, pulling him back up to me. Let's go make out before she wakes up and lectures us on birth control and over-eating."

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